Mundane

by baekcat

Hello hello!

It’s July, i got my braces on, prelim 2 is drawing nearer and nearer, O levels are in about four months, teachers are stressing us and i’m really stressed, and most importantly of all: my birthday is (finally) approaching.

Whenever i get into one of my moods and i start reflecting on how i’ve changed etc, i would think that that’s the furthest i can go. Previously, i wrote about how i’m thankful for the people in my life and i’m always writing about how i’m so thankful for everything that happened (albeit it was painful and horrendous experience), because it helped shaped me.

I swear, i always manage to surprise myself somehow. Be it through character, studies, or other aspects, i always learn something new about myself. And today, i’ve realised something (it’s really silly and i feel silly for only realising it now)-we never really stop growing (& learning?) Obviously you never stop growing age-wise, but i meant character-wise. Take me for example. The me now and the me five months ago can be two different people. Although i’ve come a long way (sorta) since my vile mannered days, there are always areas for me to improve in and i can see myself slowly becoming less and less of the me that i used to be so disgusted of.

I’m still me, i’m still stubborn, bitchy, potty mouthed (less now, hurrah!), led by hormones, lazy, a brilliant procrastinator, but i’ld like to think that i’ve somehow or another matured as a person (lol). It’s hilarious, really (i scoffed out loud as i typed the previous sentence out), but i really do have to acknowledge my tiny growth in terms of character.

I do still have ‘one of those days’ occasionally, and sometimes i just feel so bloody done with everything, but yea i wouldn’t trade this life for any other (unless you’re telling me i’ll be skinny and fricken smart then hell yeS). I always get this euphoric rush whenever i’m happy (or shopping) and it always reminds me of how i should be thankful for whatever i have right now (regardless of the circumstances), because i could’ve had it worse. 

On Sunday, as i watched the Courts salesmen place what was about to be my new camera into their carrier bag, i realised that i am indeed blessed in a special way. In fact, everybody is blessed, it just honestly depends on your perspectives. 

Life could be a lot better and easier, but it could also be a lot worse. I guess perspective is all that matters; it doesn’t matter how wonderful or how shitty everybody’s life is, if everybody can see the joy (in your life), then the world would be a darn good place.

Of course, the human race isn’t perfect. We can’t possibly see joy (lol this is funny) every single day, amidst tough tough times, but we can try!!111

(I am digressing horribly here i have no idea wtf i’m typing to be honest)

Basically i’m really thankful for whatever i have right now and yes i’ll keep repeating this sentence plenty of times because i really am and should be thankful. 

I applied for DPA (direct poly admission) last week and i’m keeping my fingers crossed in hopes of being able to be selected. It was a pretty bad experience for me while i was typing out my short 600 charactered paragraph on why i chose xxx course because me, being the typical clumsy arse, accidentally deleted the entire paragraph for my second choice. And what did i do next? Well, thinking that clicking on the ‘back’ button would help restore my paragraph (because i put a lot of thought into that paragraph and won’t be able to retype that out word-to-word), i clicked on the back button and poof! A. motherfrickin. blank. page. 

Yea that was a fml moment for me but i managed churn out paragraphs of decent quality (i hope). My results aren’t the best so i’m hoping the desperation laced in my words would serve as an appeal and hopefully i’ll get selected hahahahahahaha

DPA and awkward self reflections aside, O levels are starting to draw near and i’m really stressed because i’m so worried for all of my subjects. I dropped to combined science and felt very unsure about my decision (even though i know it’s the correct one)-still am actually, but i guess it’s due to an unfamiliar environment. I talked to a couple of classmates/friends about it (which is ironic because i’m supposed to tell my closer friends about it but instead i didn’t haha), and after listening to their views, i attributed it to just fear and feelings of mild anxiety from being separated from my close friends and people i’m so used to being in the same class with. 

I feel like i’ll be able to do fine? I know prelim 2 will suck and i’m not expecting multiple grade jumps for every single subject, i just want to do decently enough for the teachers to get off my back about the lack of As in my result slip. 

Till then (i have no idea when)

Have a great day!

x.

p.s braces weren’t as painful as i thought they would be. Spacers, however, were an entirely different story. 

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