Life as we know it

by baekcat

I received my results yesterday, and I’ve never felt more blessed in my entire life.

God has worked more miracles in my life for the last two years (and more, but I didn’t bother to pay attention) than I could ever imagine. I never, ever thought that I would achieve six distinctions and (ahem) a pass for higher Chinese. Sure, I’ve dreamt countless times about attaining lots of distinctions, but every time I think about the possibilities, I would remind myself that hey, it’s really not possible for me to do so well.

Yesterday brought back a lot of unpleasant memories. My past experiences with receiving results for national exams had been rather disastrous. When I received my PSLE results, the waterworks turned on immediately after I turned my back towards my teacher. When I received my mother tongue O level results, I was too shocked to even think clearly. And then I proceeded to bawl my eyes out for the next hour (from the school bathroom to the bus stop to the mall and back at home). So yes, it was sufficient to say that I was extremely nervous.

For the life of me, I could not comprehend how the rest of my classmates appeared so calm and composed. I was the complete opposite. My fingers were trembling, even as I grasped onto my phone (& packet of tissue) for support. My mind raced to think of the possibilities and what would happen if I didn’t do well.

My heart sank when the list of 9-10 pointers were shown and I wasn’t in it. Sure, I didn’t have high expectations, but I was still hoping for something good. I only heaved a sigh of relief (and uttered a quick word of thanks) when my name appeared on the list of students who achieved five or more distinctions.

When I stepped forward to receive my results, the trembling was so apparent that my teacher had to ask me to breathe and relax (whereas she asked my classmate if she was nervous). She scrutinized my results slip for a second, broke out into a wide smile and congratulated me on ‘doing very well’. I heaved a sigh of relief (kinda), grabbed my things and headed back for my friends.

Only on my way back towards where my friends were did I take a quick look at my results slip. No Bs, no Cs (except for higher Chinese haha), just As. Plenty of As.

I fell onto my knees (not so dramatically la haha), looked at my friends with semi teary eyes and exclaimed, ‘Ohmygod I got an A for combined humanities????????’ I showed the mom (super friendly-love her) of a friend my results slip and she remarked that I did so well and said that I should’ve invited my parents to come (to which I had said before that I didn’t want any family to come in case I didn’t perform up to standard). At this point in time, I think everybody around me thought that I was nuts because I was trembling and sounded really teary and looked like I was going to cry. Trust me on this-I’m a really ugly crier.

I opened my envelope and looked at my L1R5 aggregate, which surprisingly matched the ridiculous target aggregate which the school had set for us (which I complained about for four years). I honestly am so, so thankful for my results and the miracles that God has worked on me because I know that I possibly couldn’t have achieved this on my own. I felt a little undeserving of my grades at some point because my faith wavered so much, even when everybody else was telling me to just put my faith in God and believe in his greater plan for me.

I am so, so, so, so grateful for my friends/family/teachers, for I know that 50% of my grades were attained because of them. Without their encouragement, their help (when I needed it) and their advice, I would not have achieved the grades I got.

This morning, I woke up and looked at my results slip again. I absolutely cannot believe it (despite sneaking countless glances at it) and I don’t think that I’ve been so thankful before (except for good food maybe). I am happy, because I did not let my family down, I did not let my teachers down, and most importantly, I did not let myself down. Sure, it wasn’t a straight A1 6 points, but this is still an incredible feat for me.

If anybody still reads my wordpress and hasn’t gotten sick of me repeating how grateful I am, I would like to encourage everybody that anything and everything is possible.

Take heart, for He has overcome the world (John 16:33)

(For some reason, while my heart was busy beating furiously, the words Take heart lingered in my mind. I googled them this morning and found the bible verse and felt an incredible sense of peace)

X.

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