by 🌸


Awake because of this ridiculous rash that has decided to plague me a few weeks ago and has been doing a very, very, very good job and keeping me up at night and also demolishing what’s left of my measly self esteem. It comes and it goes, but mostly it comes. And it stays. It’s so fucking itchy and the more i scratch, the more itchy it gets. If i try to leave it alone that area just stings a bit and it’s so exasperating. As soon as my skin comes into contact with another surface, be it the bedsheets etcetera, bam. Itch.

At first i thought it was just the shitty bedsheets that was causing the weird rash to pop up from out of nowhere. Well i was wrong. The sheets were changed and the rash is still here. I wonder if it’s stress-induced because well, i am pretty fucking stressed about mid year exams and school and a levels and about my future. But then again, i have been under tremendous stress for sustained periods of time in the past and this has never happened before. I googled some more (being the hypochondriac that i am, pft) and it occurred to me that i could be allergic to the laundry detergent being used. It could explain why i’ve been feeling prickly and itchy all the time, right? But then again,  my mom has been using the same laundry detergent since God-knows-when, so it can’t possibly be the detergent.

And with that you have a very helpless and pathetic mess aka me.

I am at my wits’ end and i think it’s time to pay my favourite (note the sarcasm) ponggol clinic a visit; i’ve been to countless clinics when i was younger (and the mild eczema in my blood wasn’t so mild), wasted so much of my parents’ money in hopes of being able to find relief from this ongoing nightmare. Ponggol clinic was recommended by one of my relatives i think and it was affordable. Most importantly, it was effective. I was pretty reliant on the oral medication and the itch and all would come back and haunt me whenever exams were just around the corner but i slowly began to stop having to rely on the oral medication to keep my (mild) eczema and it’s itch in check. For the longest time i’ve been so ashamed of my eczema and i still am and it’s one of those things that i really don’t want anybody to know and am afraid of being judged for (besides for the way i look). People have made fun of me before, labelling me as ‘the freak with the skin disease’ and all, and i can honestly say it’s one of those things that still scars me till today. (Okay, the person who said that later on apologised to me via Facebook message haha but it’s still ingrained in my mind)

I was just lying in bed, tossing and turning, until i eventually gave up and couldn’t bear to lie with this stinging itch any longer. Got up and rinsed my legs with cold water (from the shower head) and am currently keeping my sleeping dogs company in the living room with my macbook on my lap. I have so many more things on my mind but i’ll save it for another time.