Nights like these 

by 🌸

I feel so terribly inadequate. So I stumbled upon a WordPress of somebody I shouldn’t be ‘stalking’. Well okay I searched a name and I found that person’s WordPress. I think this obsession is way past the insecurity that x will just one day wake up and find that he’s still in love with that person and leave. I think it’s some twisted competition in my head, that I want to be better than that person. Skinnier than that person, fitter than that person. In order to match up to or erase the fact that that person once meant something to x. I just feel so fucking lousy and insecure. It’s not like I can talk to x freely about it because whenever that person is  mentioned I just feel ‘…’ And frankly speaking very fucking salty. I just hate the thought of that person I hate the fact she that person used to have what I have now with x. Fucking hell why can’t life be the least bit of good to me for once. You would think after countless bouts of feeling immensely down and w after w, life would decide to spare me when it comes to my love life and relationships. Nooope. 

I guess I just got to live with it. Live with this insane insecurity and feeling of inadequacy and quelch it whenever it threatens to overwhelm me. I hate it so much. I don’t want to be insecure anymore and plagued by thoughts of having to look better and be fitter. I’m so tired.